Yes, Yes You Can.

 Yes, Yes You Can.

I said “yes” twice for a reason, because sometimes that second one is all the reassurance you need. 

These days, it’s been hard to give myself permission to do things: to crochet all day, to be unemployed, to rest (that second one has been the hardest). I mean, if you really think about it, it’s been less than two weeks since I got my degree. I am freshly an alumna, and just like any other day of my undergraduate career, I’m eagerly looking for the next thing. So for days, I’ll work to get my ABC and food-handling certifications. I’ll scroll all day on Glassdoor, and LinkedIn, and Indeed, and whatever other job board I can find. And I’ll stress my resumé. And stress my cover letters. And, please, someone tell me what the heck is a CV?

And after about a week of that straight, I told myself I would give myself the day to just…chill. So I picked up a hook and crocheted, I tied my shoes and hiked, and I touched grass, and listened to vinyls all day. I put photos on my wall, cleaned out my room, and moved some things around, y’know Feng shui. 

I felt guilty the entire time. 

And if you read that one insta post I put up the other day, you got a taste of those questions and those thoughts that continuously circulate in my head that made me feel that way. 

"Why aren’t you saving the world right now?” 

"Why are you bumming out on your Mom’s couch? You’re still leeching off of that hardworking woman?" "You got a degree, and still can’t get a job.”

"How are you helping others today?” 

"You’re letting the opportunities slip by every extra minute you spend in bed.”

So, I have to give myself permission. Yes, yes you can just take a break today, Elyana. That’s perfectly, perfectly fine. Because, Elyana, you did make it better for others. You did challenge people to love. You made things better for others, even if it cost you sleep. If it cost you sanity. If it cost you safety, you still did it. 

Yes, yes you can just breathe. Yes, yes you can touch grass and sniff jasmine flowers. Yes, yes you can listen to the stream and watch it twinkle. Yes, yes you can make bracelets and dance in the shower and use your karaoke machine. Yes, yes you can cry and feel relieved to not be on that exec board or in that business or on that committee or in that class. Yes, yes you can cook, and tan, and watch an ungodly amount of reality TV in one sitting. Yes, yes you can just...be. 

That takes a lot of courage. Because it's counterintuitive, especially when you’re lost in a world tuned to hustling and bustling. Everybody and everything flying past at the speed of light, and you’re…strolling along? Yes, yes you can do that because the last thing you want to do is lose yourself in that lost world. 

Be, baby. That’s all you gotta do. It don’t have to happen today and I promise you

it’ll wait for you and be right there when it’s time.