I Had a Little Bit to Drink, so...

 I Had a Little Bit to Drink, so…

    I sit here with Adele playing from my audio-technica, with a little bit of something in my system. I thought I was going to spend the night staring at the ceiling, but my thoughts were running with no place to land. So I put them here, like I do a lot of the time.

    I had a little bit to drink, so bear with me…

    I didn’t prepare myself for how my relationships would look after I graduated. I don’t think I could have. I’m a whole timezone away from my nearest friends. Which is very very hard. I woke up wanting to be two inches away from my sisters. And I laid in bed missing my best friends. FaceTime is okay for a few days, but it’s been two weeks now and I can’t fathom continuing to live like this.

    I had a little bit to drink, so pardon my melodramatics…

    I’ve been trying to focus more on myself like I challenged myself to do that in my last post, but that is not easy. And not going to lie, I’m kinda annoyed I did that. I projected an expectation on myself—one that others have seen and think that I’m holding up. Which is dumb. I say all the right things—“feel...baby, just be.” But I don’t know how. Hypocrite, yeah I know. Like I don’t know why I haven’t really been able to cry. I’m just…down.

    I had a little bit to drink, so please excuse my rambling…

    I’m kinda just sitting here. I got a little bit of a cold. A little bit less of hope. Hopefully it’s enough. And I’ll just sit here until I feel like it’s passed. Cuz maybe then I'll a little more functional. Then I think I can end the pity party. I don’t know. That’s just kinda how it is right now. I’m glad to be home, but I don’t know how long I can be here. 

    I had a little bit to drink, but don’t worry about me.